There is so much talk abot self-love in the spiritual- and self-development community. Why is that, and how can it benefit your life? I’m going to embark on this topic today, and this is a huge topic. Both because it encompasses so much, plus that it is so crucial for living a fullfilling life – atleast in my experience. What does it mean to truly love oneself? Why should I strive towards this concept? Why should I love myself, isnt’ that what i have others for? I’m gonna answer these questions to the best of my ability, and shed some light on this subject.

“It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others.”

– Robin Sharma

I want to start with this quote here. You have probably heard some version of this before, and this lets us dive right into why self-love is so powerful.

When you are not loving yourself, you are fearful, because you are programmed this way. This means that you have insecurities, which comes from a fear of rejection, a fear of not being good enough, a fear of others opinions of you, in short. Everyone suffers from this in various degrees. It is not your fault, it’s the way you’ve been brought up, things that have been said to you, negative experiences you’ve been through. You’re a product of your past, until you choose not be…

If you do sometinhg wrong in you parents eyes, you might get scalded. Maybe resulting in being told that you are stupid, or you’re always doing things wrong. These words sows the seeds of self-doubt and fear. Children look up to their parents above all. And as a child you tend to blame yourself if something bad happens. Especially if you have been told continiously that you are wrong, or you do things wrong. The parents are always right – vibe. You take this with you, and as you gain more experiences of doing things wrong, it solidifies – becoming a part of your personality.

Doing things wrong in school, getting bad grades, always having the fear of what your family will tell you. Making you feel like a complete failure. Obviously, you’re not loving yourself, and it doen’t feel good. Maybe you’re doing great in school, and get all the praise you could ever need. You’re doing it to get approval, to be recognized, to not get scalded. This is not self-love, it is fear. Being popular among other students – others fear your judgement, and the popular one fears the same thing. Acting in a certain way to be liked, keepingupmthe facade. A kid hating everything and everyone, not caring about others opinions, is afraid of love. Usually because they’re being abused at home, parents aren’t present, or they’re simply never being showed love and compassion. This creates a feeling of not being worthy of love, causing hatred instead, to show that “I don’t need your love”. When love and reconition is inherently all they want.

These are of course my insights, and you might not agree, but i’ve come to discover that this is true. I can see this in every person i meet. If you get triggered by this, you are also afraid of being wrong – a fear of not being good enough – a fear of not being loved. It all comes down to love. Do you love yourself, or do you need others to love you? Of course fear is hard to get rid of, because it is a part of your personality, deeply programmed into your mind.

Self-love is a journey. A Journey to learn to love every part of yourself. Love your personality, love your “shortcomings”, love your body, love your quirks, love your mind – and to forgive yourself. This is how you take back your power. It means not being reliant on anyone outside of yourself. Not needing approval from others. Gaining true confidence, because you love yourself, and you know that you are enough. Others opinions of you no longer matters. They do not love themselves, so they project their fears unto you. Do you accept it, or brush it off? So when it comes down to it, it’s all a battle of love. And when you truly love yourself, you don’t need to be a part of that war.

I know it may sound like some kind of hippie-mindset, but in that case, why would this behavior be wrong? It is only wrong if you’re in fear. “It could resolve all the worlds problems” – yes, it could. “Then why aren’t we taught this, and why is it not more known?” – Because it is THAT hard. To achieve self-love is darn difficult, because so few practices it. If that wasn’t enough, the media spreads fear to keep you from self-love. You are bombarded by fearful ideas from left to right. Have you ever seen positive news being shown on TV? So positive that it restored your faith in humanity a little? How much positive, opposed to negative media do you see every day? May it be from social media, news, articles, radio, and so on. If we’re being honest, it’s not much.

I’ll write another post on how we are being controlled through fear another time. If you want more of it, support me, and dive into the rabbit whole on some stuff. You’ll find what you’re looking for.

“Self-love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.”

— Beau Taplin

So when you have achieved some degree of self-love, it is a lot easier to love others. Truly love others. Because you can see that they don’t love themselves, you’ve been there yourself! You recognize the patterns, you recognize the fear. You feel compassion and empathy, because you know how tough it is to not feel loved. It makes you want to hug this person, tell them that “I love you”, showing recognition. Most people will probably get freaked out if you do this, but just carrying this compassion in your heart does so much. For you, and for those around you. This is how unconditional love for yourself, turns into unconditional love for others. You love them because they are on the same journey as you, and struggle just as much as you. You know how much it can help to feel that love, and therefore, what it can do for someone.

This is where the first quote ends, and where true love for others lies. Not because of what they do for you, but because love is stronger when shared, and you love them for giving it their all, for being who they are. It’s like when you see a new person in the gym, giving it their all, working to change their life. It inspires compassion. When you see people challenging their fears, you want to cheer them on, because you’re there too. You are on the same journey.

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

— Fred Rodgers

There is no blueprint on how to achieve self-love, but you have to start somewhere. Remember to stand up for yourself, choose yourself out of love, and not others out of fear, speak to yourself with love, make time for the tings you love, focus on positive emotions that makes you feel good.

These are crucial if you want to work towards self-love. You will find your own way once you get going, but the most important step is to start. Love, live and laugh!